I can't hip or hop!

I went to a hip-hop class at my gym last night. I had been relatively unproductive for the day and was feeling kinda down about myself, so I thought that it would be fun and make me feel better. Turns out that it somehow made me feel worse and I actually left the gym trying (unsuccessfully) to hold back tears. I have always been a pretty decent dancer, but I was mostly trained in ballet - much different type of beat and groove! I was getting so frustrated with myself because I couldn't seem to get any of the steps. I know that I'm not a very quick learner of dance steps, but it wasn't natural to me at all and felt like I looked like a complete fool. I was the ultimate idiotic white girl. I felt so out of place. I just found myself wishing that I could dance that way. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me. I've always called myself a dancer, but in that moment, I felt like I had never been able to put together two steps to save my life! That's not a dancer... I just wanted to be able to do it and I was so frustrated that I couldn't.
Maybe it's getting close to that time of the month! (Sorry guys, just saying...)

Why can't we be friends?

I became extremely annoyed with a "friend" of mine a couple nights ago. I will attempt to explain. My frustration is simply a result of the reality of an observation that I once made years ago. That observation was that a man and woman can not possibly have a platonic relationship until the possibility of a romantic relationship has been determined to be non-existent. Either A) one is attacted to the other or vice-versa and that other one is not interested, B) they are both mutually attracted to each other but decide that they would be better friends than lovers whether through singular or mutual decision or a failed ramantic relationship, or C) neither one is interested in the other as more than a friend, so that's all there is to it.

Now I agreed to hang out with this "friend" of mine because we hadn't seen each other in awhile and thought it would be nice to catch up. I thought nothing of it because there had never been any flirting or chemistry between us AT ALL in the entire time that I'd known him. I suppose that I now use the term "friend" loosely because he was an old co-worker who I got along with well enough, but we never really hung out unless a group of us went out after work or something. So we were hanging out at my place - talking, drinking some wine, and watching a movie. Apparently I must be quite naive because he somehow assumed that automatically meant that I would be willing to start cuddling and making out with him. Talk about an uncomfortable situation!

I said "No" and tried to keep my distance. He obviously didn't understand what "no" meant because he kept trying to pull me closer to him and was kissing the top of my head - which by this time just happened to be holding my brain matter intact as I was wondering what the *$&@# he thought that he was doing! He kept trying to pull me on top of him and close to his face to kiss me, so I said "I'm not okay with this. I am not okay with being hit on right now!" Still the persistent fellow was as headstrong as ever. Why? I don't think I will ever know... He tried to assuage me by saying that he wouldn't try to kiss me anymore and we could just lay there and cuddle. Now what in the world is the point of that?!? I'm not at all interested, why should cuddling be any different?

By this time I just wanted him to leave so that I could go to bed and not be pestered by this man who clearly does not understand when enough is enough. If he thought that his persistence would wear me down, he clearly doesn't know who I am. I generally get more stubborn when someone tries to make me do something that I do not want to do. Key words here: DO NOT WANT TO DO! No one can make you want to do something you don't want to do in the first place. The mere fact that they try only exacerbates the problem and makes what they are offering even less appealing!

Thankfully my cold-blooded nature saw fit to remedy my situation. My friend thought that my living room was pretty warm. I thought it felt just fine. It was quite funny to hear him suggest that it might be cooler in the other room (which by logic meant my bedroom - as that is the only other room in the appartment except for the bathroom or one of my roommate's rooms.) Could he really have been serious?! I had to smile inwardly at the audacity of his suggestion. I told him that it was actually warmer in the back of the house. And since I don't own a fan and he couldn't take the heat anymore - quite literally, our interesting evening came to a close, much to my relief!

Now my question remains: Why can't we be friends? Though I feel I have pretty much anwsered my own question, it is still something I wonder. Why can't I have guy friends who enjoy me as a person and don't feel the need to try to make it into something more? Why can't they value me enough as a person to want to spend time with me - just because we enjoy each other's company? I would like that. Perhaps that is why women love having gay guy friends. No pressure. But on the other hand, they can almost feel like qirlfriends sometimes, which defeats the whole purpose of having male friends to begin with. Aahh, what a conundrum!